Drawing Boundaries

I just got off the phone with the Wounded Warrior Project. They have a program called TALK that assists veterans in achieving goals. John, the peer support counselor I spoke to said something interesting: '“right? It’s good to know your boundaries. That’s something we all have difficulty with, drawing boundaries.”

He was responding to me talking about how I dream of starting a foundation to help veterans, but that creating a foundation is too big a goal and that I needed to build a foundation, in order to build a non-profit. I realized that as noble a goal as creating a non-profit is, you need to build up to it. They say the best way to tackle a big job is to take it on in small bites.

What I hadn’t realized is that what I’ve written in the previous paragraph could be considered a boundary. I’ve always thought of boundaries as, “don’t surround yourself with people who don’t share your ideals” or, “Don’t take on other people’s issues.” I thought boundaries were things meant to protect you from harm. And they are. I just didn’t realize that knowing what you can’t take on at the moment and stating it out loud would be a boundary.

I have done quite poorly at setting boundaries. My therapist has repeatedly asked me to take care of myself first. I often help others while neglecting myself. It’s easier to help others than to help yourself; at least in my case. But I really care about people and can’t stand to see someone in need. While that’s also noble, if I don’t care for myself, how can I be effective for others. I heard this at a workshop: “you can’t give someone 100% if you aren’t 100% yourself.”

So, I’m going to work on setting boundaries. To be honest I’m terrified about telling people that I need a boundary. But my therapist has said if someone doesn’t respect your boundaries, they don’t respect you.

I wish I was 100%. I’m not. I’m 63% and I need to charge. Here’s to boundaries and upholding them!